1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:04,380
I already told you,
it's Brian Weaver.

2
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:11,780
Weaver! Like beaver
but with a W. No, at the beginning.

3
00:00:11,780 --> 00:00:15,060
I've been on the phone
now for 20 minutes.

4
00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:19,460
No, I don't want you to put me
on hold. Don't put...

5
00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:23,300
Oh, hey, Jess. Have you done
something different with your hair?

6
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,940
No.
No?

7
00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:29,820
It looks hairier,
but like good hairy.

8
00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:31,740
Have you printed
the Q4 sales report?

9
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,100
Still waiting on IT,
their printer won't print.

10
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,620
That's a shredder.
Is it?

11
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,700
Brian, we really need to...
Sorry, yeah, I'm still here.

12
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:41,980
As far as I'm concerned,

13
00:00:41,980 --> 00:00:44,780
you're supposed to be helping
a customer

14
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:47,180
and you haven't been very helpful.

15
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:50,020
Has he done it yet?
No.

16
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,380
Is he doing it now?

17
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:55,100
Yeah, can I have your first name?
Right, send him in.

18
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:59,340
There was some package
dumped on my doorstep.

19
00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:02,300
No, don't put me on hold.
Greg wants to see you.

20
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,380
Really? I've got the job.

21
00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:08,660
Goodbye temping,
hello permanent work.

22
00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,380
Drink tonight, me
and you, to celebrate?

23
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:13,380
Actually, Brian...
Oh, sorry, yeah, no, I'm still here.

24
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,540
Yeah, I want a new charger
by the end of the day

25
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:19,980
or I will come down to Howell's
Emporium, Fish Head Lane,

26
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,260
and I will unleash hell.

27
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:28,740
No, it's not a charger,
it's some sort of weird bracelet.

28
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,180
And you'll phone me back later?

29
00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:32,700
Thank you.

30
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,100
Hey, Jess. Check out the new bling.

31
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,340
Ahh!

32
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:59,540
Brian. Brian?

33
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:45,620
Morning Steg.
Herman.

34
00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:49,420
Drink?
Pint of your least worst beer.

35
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,340
I took the liberty of lining
one up for you.

36
00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:53,260
Ah, thank you.
Busy?

37
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:57,780
Always busy, Herman, fighting social
injustices is a full-time job.

38
00:02:57,780 --> 00:03:00,140
Somebody has to stand up
for the people

39
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:03,220
and that burden has fallen on me
and I accept.

40
00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:07,020
For I am no man's fool. Cheers.

41
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,100
Ah, nice.

42
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,860
Good Morning, Herman.
Morning, Barbara.

43
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,820
You alright, Steg?
Still fighting.

44
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,020
Pint?

45
00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:19,100
Ooh, I think that's
a little unfeminine.

46
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,780
No, I'll take two halves.

47
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:24,780
Can't stay long, just popping
in between soothsaying appointments.

48
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,940
Business finally picking up then?

49
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,340
Oh, all very exciting.

50
00:03:28,340 --> 00:03:33,140
I've just come from a reading and
I've got another one in two weeks.

51
00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:37,740
So good news. My big day.

52
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,820
My campaign to raise awareness
for veterans of the Mage Wars.

53
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,820
Do you know how many warriors
are sleeping rough

54
00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:47,780
on the streets of on Munty?
17?

55
00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:50,860
Yeah.
Doesn't sound like many.

56
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:53,700
That's 17 too many.
They need my help.

57
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,740
Ex warriors like Herman,
they're being ignored

58
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,820
and he's got so much wisdom
to share.

59
00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:01,460
Yeah, exactly. Like this one
time during the winter campaign...

60
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,460
Not now, Herman. Fill her up.

61
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,380
Still looking for that tall,
dark stranger, are ya?

62
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:14,140
Well, it is my destiny, Herman.
The runes have spoken.

63
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:18,100
But I can categorically say that
nothing of note will happen today.

64
00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:25,540
Wha? Well, of course, the rune
for nothing is quite similar

65
00:04:25,540 --> 00:04:28,340
to the one for massive explosion.

66
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,740
Ahh, ow. Ah!

67
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:43,180
Ah!
Same again?

68
00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:45,140
Please.

69
00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:48,860
Sorry, what just happened?
Where am I?

70
00:04:48,860 --> 00:04:51,060
Munty.
What?

71
00:04:51,060 --> 00:04:53,340
Hello, mysterious traveller.

72
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,860
Barbara!
There's your tall, dark stranger.

73
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,820
I thought so.
"Tall"? Hardly a giant.

74
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,020
What is going on?

75
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:05,140
Hello, I'm Barbara.
Fully-qualified soothsayer.

76
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:08,700
And that is a real branch
of witchcraft.

77
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:11,260
He's clearly a necromancer,
I can smell him from here.

78
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:13,660
Hey, no trouble in my pub.

79
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:17,420
Erm, I'm not sure what's happening.
Clearly I've gone mad.

80
00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:21,860
I'm going now, goodbye.
Oh.

81
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:26,380
There's a man outside
with the head of a chicken.

82
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:29,500
Oh, don't be silly.
Yeah, Trebor's away, isn't he?

83
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,020
Well, he'd better be,
he owes me eggs.

84
00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:36,460
OK. OK, I'm just...I'm hallucinating,
so...

85
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:40,500
I'm just going to take two minutes
to sit down, if that's OK?

86
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:45,420
And, er, just going
to have a little cry.

87
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:56,340
You can't stay here.
Firing off magic in my pub?

88
00:05:56,340 --> 00:05:58,820
The last thing I want is
fairies sticking their noses in.

89
00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:01,820
What are you talking about?!

90
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:11,300
Fairies! Nobody move.

91
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,020
I am definitely seeing things.

92
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:19,220
We've had a trace of a powerful
magical artefact in the vicinity.

93
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:21,340
Anyone know anything about that?

94
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,660
Are you in fancy dress?

95
00:06:25,380 --> 00:06:26,900
Hawthorn - over here!

96
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:31,260
Ah, looks like we've
found our magical item.

97
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:35,500
Box. We'll take this
back to the Protector.

98
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,180
He's gonna be most interested.

99
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:41,100
I'm gonna to be keeping
an eye on this place.

100
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:47,300
That's all I need.
I want him out of here.

101
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:50,180
We don't even know who he is.
Well, look through his jacket.

102
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,380
That's what I was doing.

103
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:57,940
Howell's Emporium.

104
00:06:57,940 --> 00:06:59,580
I knew he'd be involved in this!

105
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:02,060
Right, well, we've got to get him
to Howell's.

106
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,180
Sorry, Barbara,
I've got a prior commitment.

107
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:05,780
Pint?
Please.

108
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:08,340
Yep. Sorry, Barbara,
customers to serve, you know?

109
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,740
Ah! I'll just do it myself.

110
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:16,500
I'll look after you,
my tall, dark stranger!

111
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:31,780
Howell?

112
00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:37,420
Howell?
Barbara!

113
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:42,260
Morning. Is it morning?

114
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,780
Howell, I need your help.

115
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:46,380
Give us a minute,
where are me glasses?

116
00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:52,700
That's better. I can see now.

117
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,980
Who's he? New boyfriend?

118
00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:59,260
I think my dating history
is a little bit more sophisticated

119
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:02,140
than dragging in unconscious men
off the street.

120
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:03,580
I did that once.

121
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,220
So who is he?

122
00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:10,060
I've no idea.
But I sense a mysterious purpose.

123
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:13,340
That our two fates are intertwined.

124
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:16,180
Our lives inextricably linked.

125
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,060
Don't hurt me!

126
00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:19,500
Oh, he's delirious!

127
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,180
Oh, God, it's still happening.

128
00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:24,300
And now there's a tramp.

129
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:28,660
Greetings, stranger.
I am Howell. Grand Master Wizard.

130
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:32,420
Esteemed purveyor of spells
and magical artefacts.

131
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,860
Cash only.

132
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,140
OK, I think I've taken something

133
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,500
that is making me hallucinate
really vividly.

134
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,500
Really?

135
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,820
Don't suppose you've got
any spare, have you?

136
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:46,140
I saw a man with the head
of a chicken.

137
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:48,620
Oh, Trebor's back.
Eggs for breakfast!

138
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:55,500
God, I've got to wake up!
Please, God!

139
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,100
You're not asleep son
and I can prove it.

140
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,180
Look carefully into this wand.

141
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,140
See? I'll get you some ice.

142
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:15,700
So, what you're telling me
is that somehow

143
00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:19,100
I've moved into a parallel universe?

144
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,660
It's rare, but it does happen.

145
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:25,340
There was a troll who was rumoured
to have crossed worlds...

146
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:31,100
That's Donald Trump.
That's a troll.

147
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,660
Donald Trump's not a troll.

148
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,780
They live in iron mines, hence
the orange skin and the bad hair.

149
00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:38,820
In your case, something must have
acted as a catalyst

150
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:42,380
to pull you between the boundaries.

151
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,540
Still, good luck with it.

152
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,660
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm rather busy.

153
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:48,580
No, no ,no ,no.
I need to get back home.

154
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,740
Back to my new job! Back to Jess.

155
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:53,380
Jess?
Back to my pay rise.

156
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:57,260
Well, look he had your name
and address in his pocket.

157
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,140
How did you get this?

158
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:04,460
Well, I was...I was sitting
at my desk.

159
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:05,620
How strange.

160
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:09,020
No, it's not.
And I was on the phone...

161
00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,540
That's strange.

162
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:13,740
No, it's not.

163
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:16,380
Anyway, there was
this metal bracelet,

164
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:18,980
with weird symbols round it.

165
00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:22,540
And so I put it on and then
there was this flash of light

166
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,780
and before I knew it,
I was in another world.

167
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,740
That's the strange part.

168
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:33,620
Are you Brian Weaver?

169
00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,220
Yes!

170
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,740
Of "ib" Waverly House?

171
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,060
1B.

172
00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:40,780
Mooddick uck?

173
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,900
Middlesex. It's in the UK.

174
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,580
I think I've got something of yours,
Brian.

175
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,100
My phone charger!

176
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,460
Oooh!

177
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:55,100
And I believe you've got
something of mine, Brian.

178
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:56,460
My bracelet.

179
00:10:56,460 --> 00:11:01,980
Or to give it its proper title -
the Amulet of Uta-Rhamen.

180
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,380
Yeah, nah I've not got it.
Where is it?

181
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:05,780
Must have left it at that pub.

182
00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:10,460
Great Balls of Krunt!
We gotta get there, immediately.

183
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:15,820
Firstly, because it's a dangerous,
unstable magical device.

184
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:20,180
Secondly, well, it's the pub, innit?

185
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,580
Whoa.

186
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,740
Shouldn't we follow him?

187
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:37,180
What? Oh, yes, yes, of course, yes!
Yes.

188
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:38,380
Yes.

189
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:47,260
Howell!
I said it would be your fault.

190
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:49,220
One of the tables has come to life.

191
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:53,460
Sounds like the magical field from
the amulet has leaked onto a table.

192
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:54,980
It's become sentient.

193
00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:58,420
Reminds me of a time
during the winter campaign...

194
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:00,020
Not now, Herman.

195
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,020
We need to neutralise the bracelet.

196
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:05,420
Stand aside Herman, I'm going in.

197
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,460
Give me 10 minutes.

198
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:12,100
I predict total success.

199
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:17,180
Yeah, he's dead.
Don't come in!

200
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,900
Don't come anywhere near
this...it's terrifying!

201
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:25,260
Is that my amulet doing that?
Yeah.

202
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:27,700
Shouldn't we go in and help him?

203
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,460
It's been ten minutes.
Oh, he'll be fine.

204
00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:33,140
He's got me, argh! Back off!

205
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:35,180
I suggest a two-pronged attack.

206
00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:38,060
Herman goes in as a first prong,
and we stay out here,

207
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:41,180
forming a second, defensive prong.

208
00:12:41,180 --> 00:12:43,500
Good idea, stay back.

209
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,940
Back off, you four-legged
feral piece of furniture!

210
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:51,860
By the Four Tongues of Azul, Krunt!

211
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:54,140
Stay out!

212
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,700
Whoa, argh!

213
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,940
Er...

214
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:06,020
Anyone want a pickled beak?

215
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,260
All that stuff is going on your tab.

216
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:13,540
You can't blame me, Herman.

217
00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,460
I was affected by a very
powerful magical field.

218
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:18,580
Forcing me to drink all your gin,

219
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,460
starting with the most
expensive one.

220
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:25,260
Do you have any idea
how dangerous this is?

221
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:29,140
I want that thing out of the way
before this place is closed down.

222
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:31,620
So you listen to me, Howell...

223
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,620
How does he do that?

224
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:44,180
So, I'd quite like to go
home now, please.

225
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:47,260
No, stay here, Brian.
Who knows what your future holds?

226
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,700
Well, you're the soothsayer.

227
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,660
Oh, obviously, I know
what your future holds.

228
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,860
Brian, give me your hand.

229
00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:06,980
Let's see, just from looking,
oh, they're soft.

230
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:12,660
I can see that you
are a leader of men,

231
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:17,300
about whom great tales
will be told.

232
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,740
Speak to us of your world, Brian.

233
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:24,020
A world full wonders the likes
of which we cannot even imagine.

234
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:28,180
OK, erm...

235
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:32,260
I work for an internet publishers.

236
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:37,220
OK, so essentially what we do
is market and distribute

237
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:40,900
any form of structured
online content.

238
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,260
Have you got the internet?

239
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:50,180
It's kinda like a giant book.

240
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,780
Oh, you're a writer!
How distinguished!

241
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,260
No, no, no, no, I handle the sales.

242
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,780
You're a book seller?
Ah, a noble trade.

243
00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:58,180
Not quite. No, no, no.

244
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:02,380
What I do is I drive traffic
to the relevant consumer platforms.

245
00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:04,980
I'm hearing "delivery boy."

246
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:10,980
Well, yeah, but I mean that's what
I do during the day.

247
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,580
But at night...

248
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:18,220
So, I'm on the balcony,
I'm tooled up,

249
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:21,060
have a quick look through
my night-vision goggles,

250
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:23,580
and bingo, I spot the hostages.

251
00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:25,100
Wow!

252
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:28,300
Just as I'm rescuing
the last hostage,

253
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,140
Blofeld bursts into the room.

254
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:34,300
"Mr Weaver - ve meet at last."

255
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,740
Quick as a flash,
I activate my exploding watch -

256
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,620
it's the one that Q gave me
at the beginning.

257
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:42,180
I stuff it down his trousers,

258
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,020
kick him through the sliding doors,
and ker-boom!

259
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,660
He blows up. The watch blows up.

260
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:53,940
Incredible! Doors that can slide!

261
00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:57,900
Lovely story, Brian,
but I have my own wrongs to right.

262
00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:03,140
Vis-a-vis my new campaign to help
save the veterans of the Mage Wars.

263
00:16:05,940 --> 00:16:07,660
Anons.

264
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:13,260
He's got issues with his parents.

265
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:16,540
His mother was a giant,
his father was a dwarf.

266
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,620
But how...?

267
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:23,220
With a step ladder.

268
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:28,140
Well, our little problem is no more.

269
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:31,460
I've found a buyer
and they're paying a lot of money.

270
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:34,260
And I mean a LOT of money.

271
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,700
And I mean a lot of MONEY.
What buyer?

272
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,300
I am not at liberty to reveal that.

273
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,340
Well, as long as you're not selling
it to Slasher Morgan.

274
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:44,420
I've sold it to Slasher Morgan.
What? That violent psychopath?

275
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:49,220
Morgan is coming to pick this up
in exactly one hour.

276
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:51,700
Right and then after that,
you'll send me home?

277
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:52,820
You want to go home?

278
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,900
You can't get home
without the amulet.

279
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:59,060
What? You mean the amulet
can get me home?

280
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,620
Probably, too late now though.
Sold it.

281
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,020
You can settle your bar bill then.

282
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:07,420
Sadly, Herman, it's been swallowed
up in various expenses.

283
00:17:07,420 --> 00:17:09,020
Are those new shoes?

284
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,820
What? These old things?

285
00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:14,980
Well, I really need to get home,
so I'm going to keep the amulet.

286
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:16,940
Careful, Brian.
It's mine.

287
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,700
No it isn't!
I'm keeping it.

288
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,980
I've sold it.
To Slasher Morgan.

289
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:23,500
I NEED that amulet.

290
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,580
It was addressed to me!
You can keep the phone charger.

291
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:31,020
If I don't give this amulet
to Slasher Morgan,

292
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:33,340
I'm going to have to spend
the rest of my life

293
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:35,700
disguised as a pot plant.

294
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:40,340
Whoa - that's it! I've got it.

295
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:45,860
Brian, Barbara - are you with me?

296
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:46,980
No.
No.

297
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:48,900
Great. Here's what we do,

298
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:53,060
I disguise you both as fairies.

299
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,340
At three o'clock precisely,

300
00:17:55,340 --> 00:18:00,460
I start the exchange, exactly
one minute later you burst in,

301
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:04,420
confiscate the amulet,
take the money, and leave.

302
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:08,220
We grab the cash AND the amulet.

303
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,900
Well, we look nothing like fairies.

304
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:11,980
Transformational magic.

305
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:14,980
I'll create a potion
which will transform you and Barbara

306
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:18,740
into two of the most terrifying
fairies Munty has ever seen.

307
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,300
It sounds quite dangerous.

308
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,580
Not for a man with your secret
agent training.

309
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:26,300
Oh, yeah, no,
the secret agent stuff that I do.

310
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:29,140
100% fool-proof. Well, high 90s.

311
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,940
Have you ever made
this potion before?

312
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,300
Of course.
But I think I know what I did wrong.

313
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,580
Oh, God.

314
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,340
Are you here for the meeting?

315
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,580
Can I take your coat?

316
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,100
Oh.

317
00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:05,820
Thank you.

318
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:11,940
Name?
I am Hrothgar.

319
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:14,420
Hrothgar. OK.

320
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:19,020
Son of Hedrreidersson,
conqueror of the Dark Forest,

321
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:20,420
slayer of the Tertian Army,

322
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:25,980
Clansman of the Tribe of Uruk,
but you can call me Hroth.

323
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:28,860
Ergh.

324
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,460
Can I just remind you
that all magical items

325
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:50,100
need to be left outside of the room.

326
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,940
What would you like to drink?

327
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,100
The blood of my enemies.

328
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,140
Supped from their children's skulls.

329
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,180
Mint tea?

330
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:09,540
This isn't gonna work.
Of course it is.

331
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:12,020
We're a team. Like Quarn and Wimby.

332
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:13,740
I don't know who they are.

333
00:20:13,740 --> 00:20:17,060
Oh, yeah. Well they're a team.
Well, they were a team.

334
00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:18,900
Quarn's dead now.

335
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:22,380
He got into a fight with
Slasher Morgan about some money.

336
00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:24,300
That's a bad example, actually.

337
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:27,140
I know - I'll do a reading. OK.

338
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:35,260
Death. Don't worry that's
not necessarily a bad thing.

339
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,140
Death.

340
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:41,460
That's odd, there's normally
only one death card.

341
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:46,180
Death by water,
death by melting...

342
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,340
Oh.
Oh, God. They're all death!

343
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,300
No look, this one's love.

344
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,420
What, the hooded man with a scythe
pulling the intestines out of a dog?

345
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,220
Well, it's more the love of death.

346
00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:00,020
This is not good.

347
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:03,060
And this, this is safe, is it?

348
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:06,140
Only nothing Howell's done has
filled me with confidence so far.

349
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:09,700
To be honest, I'm more worried
about turning into a man.

350
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:12,500
I don't want anything
flapping around.

351
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:15,540
Right, well,
perhaps we should just go for it.

352
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,860
The sooner I get the amulet back,
the sooner I can go home.

353
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,340
Oh.

354
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:22,060
Here goes.

355
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,020
It's working!

356
00:21:30,020 --> 00:21:32,220
Where does it go
when you cross your legs?

357
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,620
Thanks for coming, everyone.

358
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:37,860
Erm, we are all outsiders.

359
00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:39,900
We have all fought battles.

360
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:43,780
You, as warriors,
have fought physical battles.

361
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:49,500
I, as half-giant, half-dwarf,
have fought verbal battles.

362
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:54,180
People calling me names,
"titch", "dickhead",

363
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,020
purely because of my size.

364
00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:02,340
You have been abused, not sexually,
er, probably,

365
00:22:02,340 --> 00:22:04,260
that bit we don't know.

366
00:22:04,260 --> 00:22:08,180
As have I.
Again, not sexually, that I know.

367
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:12,740
What is this - a magical device?!

368
00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:15,300
Someone here has betrayed us.

369
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,620
You speak of betrayal -

370
00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:21,180
you who murdered the Hrarr Hurhath

371
00:22:21,180 --> 00:22:24,180
and brought disgrace to the
Peoples of Black Mountain.

372
00:22:24,180 --> 00:22:25,740
That's a little aggressive.

373
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:27,740
The tribes shall have vengeance!

374
00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:30,700
But we will fight you
until the end of time!

375
00:22:31,860 --> 00:22:34,780
Let's look at my leaflets!

376
00:22:34,780 --> 00:22:37,820
OK, Howell. Couple more minutes.

377
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,260
You ready?

378
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,340
Almost.

379
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,060
Better.

380
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:49,700
And remember -
there is no greater glory

381
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,180
than to die in the heat of battle.

382
00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:57,980
I'll be out the back.

383
00:22:57,980 --> 00:22:59,660
Morgan - you're early.

384
00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:01,260
Greetings, Howell.

385
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:05,660
Herman. You do have the goods?

386
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:09,820
Yes, yes absolutely. All here.

387
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:30,820
Excellent. I wouldn't want you to
end up like Ezelvek the Librarian.

388
00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:36,180
He won't be shushing me again.

389
00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:40,540
Haaaaa.

390
00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,380
Here's the money.

391
00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:52,620
Morgan! Um there was one thing...

392
00:23:52,620 --> 00:23:57,300
I've given up dairy.
What?

393
00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,060
How about a drink for old times sake?

394
00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:02,940
Yeah? Herman, two pints. Four pints.

395
00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:04,900
Eight pints.
All the pints.

396
00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:06,140
I can't stick around.

397
00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,380
People's kneecaps don't break
themselves, you know.

398
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:10,460
Haaaa.

399
00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:13,940
 He was a simple valley elf

400
00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:19,300
 And she was a pixie queen...

401
00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:22,940
Nobody move.

402
00:24:22,940 --> 00:24:25,620
We have reason to believe

403
00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:30,260
that there is an unauthorised
use of magic in this establishment.

404
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:33,860
Gentlemen - there's surely
been some kind of mistake.

405
00:24:33,860 --> 00:24:35,700
Shut it!

406
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:41,620
The trade of unlicensed magical
objects is strictly forbidden.

407
00:24:43,140 --> 00:24:48,060
I'll have this.
Spring Leaf, take the bag.

408
00:24:48,060 --> 00:24:49,580
Will do, Chestnut.

409
00:24:49,580 --> 00:24:53,660
Oh, no! That's really annoying!

410
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,500
Leave it, Howell.

411
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,100
We will be telling
the Protector about this.

412
00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:01,180
Mind how you go!

413
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:11,540
If I find out that someone
has blabbed, they will die...

414
00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:14,740
horribly...to music.

415
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:23,980
Thank Krunt for that.

416
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:26,300
Howell, you're a bloody genius.

417
00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:29,460
Herman, this calls for a little
celebratory drink.

418
00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:33,500
Actually, this calls
for a large celebratory drink!

419
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:36,660
Got to hand it to Brian
and Barbara, ooh, wow.

420
00:25:39,860 --> 00:25:41,500
Don't move!

421
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,020
By order of the Defender,

422
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:45,820
you're using magic
when you shouldn't be.

423
00:25:45,820 --> 00:25:48,420
We're here to get the box
and the bag.

424
00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:53,340
You grab the bag...Prickly Bush.
Brian!

425
00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:57,820
And I'll grab the box.
Where is the box?

426
00:25:57,820 --> 00:26:00,700
Brian? Barbara?

427
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:02,260
No.

428
00:26:05,420 --> 00:26:08,620
Forgot the powdered wolfsbane.
Where's Morgan?

429
00:26:08,620 --> 00:26:10,500
She's gone.
Gone?!

430
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:14,700
Hang on. If you're here,
who was that just then?

431
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:18,460
By the Beard of Krunt,
they must have been real fairies.

432
00:26:18,460 --> 00:26:20,780
They've taken the amulet
and the cash.

433
00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:23,700
Well, doesn't that mean everything's
just gone massively wrong?

434
00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:25,100
Oh, God.

435
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:26,780
The wings are quite good though,
aren't they?

436
00:26:32,140 --> 00:26:34,020
Pint, please, Herman.

437
00:26:34,020 --> 00:26:36,660
How did your meeting go, Steg?

438
00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:41,660
Let's just say I have helped reduce
the number of homeless warriors.

439
00:26:42,980 --> 00:26:46,540
Is that my jacket?
Yeah, yeah.

440
00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:50,980
Don't worry, that'll brush off.
Just a little, yeah.

441
00:26:50,980 --> 00:26:53,500
You might have told me there was
a magical item in your pocket.

442
00:26:55,620 --> 00:26:57,500
Now, if you'll excuse me,

443
00:26:57,500 --> 00:27:02,020
I have to go and remove some
rolled-up leaflets from my anus.

444
00:27:06,860 --> 00:27:09,140
Oooh.

445
00:27:09,140 --> 00:27:13,180
What's that?
It's my mobile.

446
00:27:13,180 --> 00:27:18,860
It's a long-range
communicating device.

447
00:27:18,860 --> 00:27:20,300
Interesting.

448
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:24,300
Some kind of geo-magical field.

449
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:27,220
Strong connection
to its place of origin.

450
00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,940
Of course!

451
00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:33,940
Brian, I think I can get you home,
mate!

452
00:27:33,940 --> 00:27:35,500
Ah, good.

453
00:27:37,340 --> 00:27:40,340
Hurry up, Howell. I can't afford
another visit from the fairies.

454
00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:41,820
Don't worry, Herman.

455
00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:44,860
I've surrounded us with an
impregnable cloaking spell,

456
00:27:44,860 --> 00:27:48,020
this room is completely unfindable.

457
00:27:48,020 --> 00:27:50,900
Not now, Trebor.

458
00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:58,220
Right, Brian, when I give you
this sign...

459
00:28:00,460 --> 00:28:04,420
..you press the green connecting
button on your communicating box.

460
00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:07,700
I will then reverse
the transportational spell,

461
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:09,940
sending you straight back
to where you came from.

462
00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:12,860
100% safe. High 90s.

463
00:28:12,860 --> 00:28:14,340
I'm finally going home.

464
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:17,340
But, Brian,
you're my tall, dark stranger.

465
00:28:17,340 --> 00:28:21,300
Ah, ah, no, no I'm not, Barbara.

466
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:25,220
You ready?
More than ready.

467
00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:26,860
I'm going back to Jess.

468
00:28:26,860 --> 00:28:28,340
And my new job and...

469
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,900
..oh, sorry.

470
00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:32,740
Hello?

471
00:28:33,860 --> 00:28:38,020
Yeah, it is. Yeah, no, I've actually
got the charger now,

472
00:28:38,020 --> 00:28:40,660
there was a bit
of a misunderstanding.

473
00:28:40,660 --> 00:28:43,380
Yeah, no, it's a funny story,
actually.

474
00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:45,420
Hello? Hello?

475
00:28:47,180 --> 00:28:49,660
It's dead.
Sorry about that, where were we?

476
00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:53,460
Press the green button.

477
00:28:53,460 --> 00:28:55,100
Oh, er, no I can't.

478
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:58,180
It's run out of battery.
Press it.

479
00:28:58,180 --> 00:29:01,420
But that isn't a problem, is it?
No, no, no, it's not a problem.

480
00:29:01,420 --> 00:29:04,740
All we have to do,
we just need to use the new charger,

481
00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:07,420
which we've got,
and plug it into a socket.

482
00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:11,540
Which we haven't got.

483
00:29:15,140 --> 00:29:16,580
I'm stuck here, aren't I?

484
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:18,460
Just as I predicted.

485
00:29:18,460 --> 00:29:20,860
You are, as we say in magical
circles -

486
00:29:20,860 --> 00:29:22,860
completely fucked.

487
00:29:22,860 --> 00:29:24,940
Nooooooo!

488
00:29:24,990 --> 00:29:29,540
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